(A not-so-young man's new year's prayer)
Dear Lord,
I don't know if I should be saying this but Happy New Year. I know You are eternal and not bound by time and all that but I also know that You ask Your children to share their joys with You.
Honestly, I am not all that joyful. I'm all alone this year, my friends have all gone home to their respective home towns (and home countries) and the few who remained wanted to go home after dinner and so I all I did was walk around the city alone. It was quite pathetic but I guess I just didn't want to feel alone. This is after all, my first new year away from family and friends.
The city was teeming with revellers partying the night away. Cars were jammed throughout and honking loudly; some because they were stuck, others because it was the new year. The noise was deafening. Of course, there were the drunkards, the fights and those who popped one too many pills. The police had to patrol just in case. I was glad that at least I did not have to drink myself silly to celebrate anything.
But in my soberness I saw the homeless, those who huddled in dark corners with what little clothes and dignity they had, while the throngs walked past. I thank You Lord, so much, that You have blessed me so richly. For although for this one short period I am alone, I have a bed, and warmth. My heart aches at the thought of those who have to suffer the cold and ask for change. While the rest of the city celebrates, their backs rest on chilly stone and they brave the wind (and it is windy tonight!). It is awful to be homeless. To be homeless in a cold country is worse. To be homeless in a cold country during the festive season is unfathomable. Bless them dear Lord. Please bless them.
Today at service I heard about resolutions and the preacher noted well that resolutions almost always involve only ourselves, in a sense that no one else is part of the resolution making process and hence we are only accountable to ourselves. Which is why they are so hard to keep; no one keeps tabs on us, we don't answer to anyone for failure. No one else is going to make sure we loose weight, or spend less or work harder.
And then he went on to speak of covenants, promises we keep not to ourselves but to others. He spoke of Your covenant with the Israelites in the Old Testament and the new promise of salvation in Christ. And he noted how in a covenant, both parties must keep to their end of the promise for the covenant to be upheld. And he asked us to review how we are keeping our part of the commitment to be faithful Christians, how we fared the past year, and how we will perform in the next.
Well, I did not make any resolutions this year. No point; I know from experience that five minutes after the clock strikes 12 the first one will go with a Cadbury bar and 1 month later I still would not have jogged but still be buying fruit and nut bars. So I didn't bother.
But I did think about the past year and the coming year, and how You fit into the picture, as the preacher suggested. I have many things to be happy for. I had an immensely enjoyable (albeit hectic) year at my university college in KL, mainly because I found friends there who truly accept me and love me. And I made it to the uni I wanted to go to. For these blessings, I am truly thankful.
My grandfather passed on this year, that was sad for so many of us, but I accept that it was his time, and that we have to move on.
But as always, I have things in the future to be worried about. As this year marks my 20th year of existence on Earth, I draw ever closer to the harsh and very real responsibilities of adulthood, and ever further from the ideals and childish things of youth. I don't know if I'm ready to be an adult, honestly. Or if I want to for that matter. I still am not fully certain what to do with my life. On the lower end of worries (though they are no less problematic for me), I'm finding my social life here not exactly as simple and manageable as I had hoped. My exams are coming near. I am stressed. I ask that You help me and guide me through all this.
As for my performance as a Christian, well, I have somethings to be proud off, and some things to be, well, not proud off.
I think I've tried making a positive change in others over the past year, especially the youth in Klang and Malaysia. I tried some rousing speeches that I think they did make a difference; but as far as I know, not a lasting one. Talk is cheap. Maybe I should have done more and talked less?
I started a group blog, with lofty aspirations and dreams that this time, yes, this time I've got on to something. But even as my administrative partner and I tried to recruit others to the team and strategise more on how to draw readers, we got caught up with our own lives, more so myself than her. The writers we had seemed to need huge invitations sent to their doorsteps to get any posts, and soon I lost momentum and shortly after that enthusiasm.
But, well, I went to church often last year, I guess I prayed here and there, I was quite nice to most people; I guess I was ok as a human being. But year after year, it's just ok, and that just doesn't cut it. I know You expect more of me than ok. Church became almost routine, that can't be ok. Prayers were lifeless, faithless, that can't be ok. You were moving more and more out of my life rather than into it. That's surely not ok.
I lost interest in so many things that I should not have lost interest in, I became more and more nonchalant about my faith and spirituality. I should have been looking for more to do but I rested on what I did, and, more often than not, was defeated by what I had failed in doing. I was, slowly but surely, becoming what I always saw in other youth as a terrible thing. I became the indifferent, passive, do-the-minimum, unloving person I spoke against. I joined those I could not beat.
But coming here has made me open my eyes to a different congregation and how they live their lives and worship, to a different society and it's cultures, and to a way of life that relies on me (and only me) to be accountable to my conscience and to You, no longer under the eyes of other Christians or parents. It's harder to go to church but I still try hard to make it. It's a (much) smaller congregation but I am trying to cope.
But Lord, let the next year be one where I go the extra mile. Let it not be 'ok' but 'great'. Let it be one where You lead the way, where my trust is in You, fully. Help me to be a better person and Christian. Help me glorify You in my life by doing more charity, showing more love to other and thinking less of myself, by being more patient, by being a better example to others. Help me learn more about my faith, and take an active interest in the religion I profess. I know I can be better. I know I've said all this countless times before, but give me one more chance this time. I cannot be perfect, I will fail in some ways, I know that, but I will try.
Lord, be next to me, show me the way. Light up the steps in front of me, but more than that guide me to the path beyond because it is that which I fear the most, the uncertainty of the future.
And by the way, I'd really like to pray for world peace too, but this time I will start with giving more to the homeless. Help me do that, Lord.
Help me keep my part of the promise. Because I know You will.
Dear Lord, Happy New Year.
In His Name, Amen.
***
Happy New Year to the Sparks team all all readers! :) May you have a blessed year ahead.
Dear Lord,
I don't know if I should be saying this but Happy New Year. I know You are eternal and not bound by time and all that but I also know that You ask Your children to share their joys with You.
Honestly, I am not all that joyful. I'm all alone this year, my friends have all gone home to their respective home towns (and home countries) and the few who remained wanted to go home after dinner and so I all I did was walk around the city alone. It was quite pathetic but I guess I just didn't want to feel alone. This is after all, my first new year away from family and friends.
The city was teeming with revellers partying the night away. Cars were jammed throughout and honking loudly; some because they were stuck, others because it was the new year. The noise was deafening. Of course, there were the drunkards, the fights and those who popped one too many pills. The police had to patrol just in case. I was glad that at least I did not have to drink myself silly to celebrate anything.
But in my soberness I saw the homeless, those who huddled in dark corners with what little clothes and dignity they had, while the throngs walked past. I thank You Lord, so much, that You have blessed me so richly. For although for this one short period I am alone, I have a bed, and warmth. My heart aches at the thought of those who have to suffer the cold and ask for change. While the rest of the city celebrates, their backs rest on chilly stone and they brave the wind (and it is windy tonight!). It is awful to be homeless. To be homeless in a cold country is worse. To be homeless in a cold country during the festive season is unfathomable. Bless them dear Lord. Please bless them.
Today at service I heard about resolutions and the preacher noted well that resolutions almost always involve only ourselves, in a sense that no one else is part of the resolution making process and hence we are only accountable to ourselves. Which is why they are so hard to keep; no one keeps tabs on us, we don't answer to anyone for failure. No one else is going to make sure we loose weight, or spend less or work harder.
And then he went on to speak of covenants, promises we keep not to ourselves but to others. He spoke of Your covenant with the Israelites in the Old Testament and the new promise of salvation in Christ. And he noted how in a covenant, both parties must keep to their end of the promise for the covenant to be upheld. And he asked us to review how we are keeping our part of the commitment to be faithful Christians, how we fared the past year, and how we will perform in the next.
Well, I did not make any resolutions this year. No point; I know from experience that five minutes after the clock strikes 12 the first one will go with a Cadbury bar and 1 month later I still would not have jogged but still be buying fruit and nut bars. So I didn't bother.
But I did think about the past year and the coming year, and how You fit into the picture, as the preacher suggested. I have many things to be happy for. I had an immensely enjoyable (albeit hectic) year at my university college in KL, mainly because I found friends there who truly accept me and love me. And I made it to the uni I wanted to go to. For these blessings, I am truly thankful.
My grandfather passed on this year, that was sad for so many of us, but I accept that it was his time, and that we have to move on.
But as always, I have things in the future to be worried about. As this year marks my 20th year of existence on Earth, I draw ever closer to the harsh and very real responsibilities of adulthood, and ever further from the ideals and childish things of youth. I don't know if I'm ready to be an adult, honestly. Or if I want to for that matter. I still am not fully certain what to do with my life. On the lower end of worries (though they are no less problematic for me), I'm finding my social life here not exactly as simple and manageable as I had hoped. My exams are coming near. I am stressed. I ask that You help me and guide me through all this.
As for my performance as a Christian, well, I have somethings to be proud off, and some things to be, well, not proud off.
I think I've tried making a positive change in others over the past year, especially the youth in Klang and Malaysia. I tried some rousing speeches that I think they did make a difference; but as far as I know, not a lasting one. Talk is cheap. Maybe I should have done more and talked less?
I started a group blog, with lofty aspirations and dreams that this time, yes, this time I've got on to something. But even as my administrative partner and I tried to recruit others to the team and strategise more on how to draw readers, we got caught up with our own lives, more so myself than her. The writers we had seemed to need huge invitations sent to their doorsteps to get any posts, and soon I lost momentum and shortly after that enthusiasm.
But, well, I went to church often last year, I guess I prayed here and there, I was quite nice to most people; I guess I was ok as a human being. But year after year, it's just ok, and that just doesn't cut it. I know You expect more of me than ok. Church became almost routine, that can't be ok. Prayers were lifeless, faithless, that can't be ok. You were moving more and more out of my life rather than into it. That's surely not ok.
I lost interest in so many things that I should not have lost interest in, I became more and more nonchalant about my faith and spirituality. I should have been looking for more to do but I rested on what I did, and, more often than not, was defeated by what I had failed in doing. I was, slowly but surely, becoming what I always saw in other youth as a terrible thing. I became the indifferent, passive, do-the-minimum, unloving person I spoke against. I joined those I could not beat.
But coming here has made me open my eyes to a different congregation and how they live their lives and worship, to a different society and it's cultures, and to a way of life that relies on me (and only me) to be accountable to my conscience and to You, no longer under the eyes of other Christians or parents. It's harder to go to church but I still try hard to make it. It's a (much) smaller congregation but I am trying to cope.
But Lord, let the next year be one where I go the extra mile. Let it not be 'ok' but 'great'. Let it be one where You lead the way, where my trust is in You, fully. Help me to be a better person and Christian. Help me glorify You in my life by doing more charity, showing more love to other and thinking less of myself, by being more patient, by being a better example to others. Help me learn more about my faith, and take an active interest in the religion I profess. I know I can be better. I know I've said all this countless times before, but give me one more chance this time. I cannot be perfect, I will fail in some ways, I know that, but I will try.
Lord, be next to me, show me the way. Light up the steps in front of me, but more than that guide me to the path beyond because it is that which I fear the most, the uncertainty of the future.
And by the way, I'd really like to pray for world peace too, but this time I will start with giving more to the homeless. Help me do that, Lord.
Help me keep my part of the promise. Because I know You will.
Dear Lord, Happy New Year.
In His Name, Amen.
Happy New Year to the Sparks team all all readers! :) May you have a blessed year ahead.
2 comments:
Resolutions are hard to keep aren't they? But not making resolutions is worse than not fulfilling them - it means you aren't even going to try. Happy new year Joshua. May this year bring you more success; especially in achieving your spiritual goals.
Amen.
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